Blind Dates Strike Again

We all know blind dates are the worst. They never work out and yadda yadda yadda, you've heard this. Now something new. Blind Dates usually have the connotation that the person is a complete stranger before the date, not after. We assume the awkwardness of the blind date will only last for at most the duration of the evening. However, this is not always the case. Just the other day, I walked up to a good family friend. When I saw her, she was conversing with two other ladies. She politely introduced me after which I asked the two ladies for their names. I looked at one of them and she responds, "We actually went on a double date together. I went with your friend Davey, and you went with, well you went with her," pointing to the other girl. I immediately remembered the affair but was too embarrassed to materialize any sensible retort...

Canterbury Tales Excerpt

I guess I loved him best of all, for he

Gave of his love most sparingly to me.

We women have, if I am not lightly have,

And after that we'll cry all day and crave.

Forbid a thing, and that thing covet we;

Press hard upon us, then we turn and flee.

Sparingly offer we our goods, when fair;

Great crowds at market make for dearer ware,

And what's too common brings but little price;

All this knows every woman who is wise.

-The Wife of Bath

A Known Christmas Surprise

This Christmas I had the perfect idea for presents to give to my parents. Now let me preface this; situated in the Weber River Valley of the Uinta Mountain Range is a cozy cabin, the Redd-Holyoak Cabin, named not after a tree but its owners. For eight years our cousins and we have owned the cabin and for eight years we've been slowly furnishing it. At first Dad wanted to keep it quaint, a refuge from technology, no t.v., no internet, but eventually we convinced him to get a t.v. and a dvd player but we never found a complementary t.v. stand. Eight years passed of all of us being witnesses to endless complaints from my mother about the difficultly to see our t.v., since it rested on the floor. One summer even, my mom and sister decided to make a table where we could put the t.v. so that it'd be easier to see but, as with most vacation oriented projects, it was never completed. Eight years of hearing my mother complain led me to the best present idea ever imaginable, an entertainment stand! Who would ever expect their children to get them furniture; she'd never see it coming. Now due to our tightfisted up-brings, we didn't feel like buying separate presents for our parents and so it was settled, the kids agreed to get a t.v. stand for our parents, just something simple to get by until they found something better. As we were doing our family shopping, we, the kids, snuck away to Pier One to check out furniture. We debated between a few stands but eventually decided on an affordable one. Perfect, we were trying to check out until we realized that there was only the floor model in stock. Abort mission! Failure! We decided we could find adifferent one somewhere else or in a different store. So we met back up with the family. Meanwhile, Taylor, one of my brothers, had been busy asking our dad's opinion on the present... Wait. What? We were getting it for both of them; how could he be so careless in his conversation. Great, now dad knew what we were up to. UGGHHH

Now we had to think of something new for my dad but at least mom would be surprised. Finding a substitute present for Dad was easy, a $10 salt lick would be a perfect present for the cabin, plus splitting it four ways with the boys wouldn't be too expensive. So back to getting mom's present. We went home and searched online and found the same Pier One t.v. stand in the Salt Lake branch. It was perfect, in two days, someone had to pick up our brother-in-law from the airport anyways, so I volunteered to go pick him up so that I could swing by Pier One on the way back. So the plan was set and all systems go.

Game day came around and my dad audibled and decided to go pick up Lance from the airport so that he can see his parents who live in Salt Lake. Okay, not only was this going to take a lot longer, it was going to be hard to hide the present from dad (since he never knew we were actually going to buy the stand). On the way down, I asked my dad if he thought there'd be enough room for us to pick something up from Pier One. Perturbed, he decided there'd be room and that we could pick something up but, only upon my revealing of the desired purchase. I told him and he decided we should check other stores, all of which I knew would be outside of our price range. In his desperation to find a furniture store, he called my mom. She told him and asked why he wanted to know, without hesitation, he told her we were getting her a t.v. stand for Christmas! All of our hard work, the time we spent sneaking around, trying to surprise our mom and he ruined it in five seconds. I took a 3 hour trip to Salt Lake and back in order to surprise my mom and the surprise was up. How disappointing! I was too mad to think of a way to cover up what he had said. When we got home, my mom commented on how careless my dad had been. I didn't know what to say, so I just went inside. We got the box with the stand inside, not exactly unseen from mother's eyes. We put it in the basement and hope she'd forget about it. Christmas day came around and Trevor and I woke up before anyone else and set up the stand, setting up the t.v. with all of the accessories. We turned the couches around to face the tree instead of the t.v. When our mom walked in, she strode right past the t.v. stand and even examined something on the fireplace hearth literally inches from the t.v. stand without each acknowledging her present. I was kind of upset that she didn't even say anything but I figured she was waiting her

turn to acknowledge her present. We went along with the proceedings and after awhile my sister observed that my mom hadn't even noticed it yet. So I quickly wrote a note, wrapped it, and gave it to my mom. "LOOK BEHIND YOU" it read. She looked around and was shocked to see a brand new t.v. stand! She truly hadn't noticed it! She was so oblivious that we even convinced her that we did it after she came in the room! Plus on top of that, my dad had told her we decided not to get one. The 'Known' Christmas Surprise ended up being a surprise after all! It was a miracle!

As Easy As Stealing Milk From A 5th Grader

Tuesday, December the 7th. Today, was a bad day; I sunk lower than I have ever been. I admit that I have never been in quite the position to be a bully, maybe that's what drove me to it... but today I did what I have never dreamed of doing; today, I bullied a fifth grader. Granted, at first, I didn't mean to force my will upon her, but how could one say no to a college senior, someone bigger than you (although not by very much). I was thirsty and all I could think about was quenching my thirst. In a crowded room, all I could see was her unopened milk carton, how it lay there, helpless. I waited for her to make her move and partake of that delicious succulent substance, but her move never came. Eventually, overtaken by greed, I asked her, "Are you going to drink that?" I did it in innocence, even in ignorance; I didn't expect her to lie to me but what was I thinking, I was so much older than her. How could she say no? Impossible. I took the milk, immediately realizing my mistake, but it was too late, I couldn't reject the offer. So I opened that milk and in one chug, drank the whole thing. The 5th graders were flabbergasted, horrified by my cupidity; their response astounded me and reaffirmed their helplessness to my power, "You drank that in one chug?!?!?" It was rude, cruel, ruthless, but nonetheless, over. The weight of my actions weighed heavy on my shoulders and I realized, it was as easy as like stealing milk from a 5th grader...

Beauty

As my Brigham Young University undergraduate education is nearing an end, an important question has manifested itself and many have asked, "Are you worried you're graduating without being married?" Normally, this wouldn't be such a recurrent question but as dating dynamics are different at BYU, it is quite conventional. Naturally I wouldn't be too concerned about this question; however, Ralph Waldo Emerson disturbs me when he said, "The radiance of the human form, though sometimes astonishing, is only a burst of beauty for a few years or a few months, at the perfection of youth, and in most, rapidly declines." If beauty rapidly declines in most, maybe I should be more concerned in my pursuit for an eternal companion in order to find her before she reaches the tail end of her "burst." So back to the question, why aren't I married? In order to answer this question, it is important to understand what is necessary in a companion. People claim, true beauty is inner beauty and to some degree, I agree. But what really is beauty? Who decides what or who is beautiful? Is beauty objective? Beauty is hard to define, but we know it is antithetical to ugliness. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting." So can we conclude that beauty is determined by interest and that an interesting person is beautiful? I have found that uninteresting people are not attractive. They may be aesthetically pleasing but their company is not especially desired. Others argue that beauty is something we can not have. 'The grass is always greener on the other side.' To this Emerson questioned, "If I could put my hand on the north star, would it be as beautiful?" To remedy this dilemma, people counsel to lower your standards but in any endeavor should we be counseled to settle for less than our potential? There is a difference in settling and realizing your potential; however, executing is always harder than talking. When are we settling and when are we failing to reach our potential? Am I waiting to reach my potential or am I erroneous in the necessity to settle?

Pick-Up Lines Gone Bad

Approximately 8 months ago I ate lunch in BYU's cafeteria, the Cougareat in the Wilkinson Center. As I ate, I noticed a fairly attractive girl eating lunch with her friend (also a girl). As I pondered strategies and techniques to approach this girl, two men came up to me inviting me to a party that Friday night. This was my inspiration. I created a plan of attack. I presented my proposal to a peer for critique and after I had worked out all glitches, it was time to implement my plan. I decided to be a promoter of this party for a cheap excuse to talk to these lovely ladies. I neared them, got their attention and with flyer in hand asked if they had already heard about the party that Friday? Obviously they had but this was only an excuse to start conversation. I proceeded, asking if they were planning on going. "No," they quickly responded. Luck would have it that I had anticipated this response and quickly turned the party flyer over. There written was a name and a number, my name and my number. "Well call if you want to do something fun then," was my sole explanation as I left the flyer on the table, walking away to never look back. My strides were long that day as I crossed the Wilkinson commons. My expectations weren't high that day and that small ounce of hope that she'd call wasn't what held my head high; I knew I had a personal triumph. I would probably never see that girl again or at least one would think and I had "left it all on the field." I had done my best to carpe diem. Coincidently, I did see this young lady a few times in passing, to and from classes. Never did she acknowledge me and I did not wish to make her feel awkward, as it was probably a common event for guys to hit on her. Time passed, spring led to summer, and she was never to be seen. Summer's leaves fell in the fall air and my new class schedule led to a surprise. Real Analysis led to straight to her. Not only was she in my class, but she sat by my friend. As common courtesy would have it, I had the obligation to sit near my friend which led to a very awkward encounter with this mystery woman. I have had my fair share of uncomfortable moments so I knew it would take more than one class to perturb me. And thus it was so... Not only was she in my Math class but my Econ class too. How could this happen? Two classes in one semester, no, I couldn't believe it. All I had left was my personal life as she had already penetrated my academic life in both of my majors. But fate is fate, and on that same Monday I stumbled across her yet again. FHE, there she was, in my ward too. My only refugee gone, stolen from me.

Embarrassing Moment

So at the end of August my family and I went to Yellowstone. It was an amazing place! I love the US National Parks! Anyways, this blog isn't to express the joy I felt in Yellowstone, but to convey the embarrassing moment I experienced so that other may find joy at my expense. At Yellowstone, we went to the old Inn right by Old Faithful to eat at their restaurant. It was a beautiful, exquisite wood building. As I was using the bathroom, I went to wash my hands before dinner. As I approached the sinks, several were taken. There was one individual who was in between two sinks, I decided I'd use the sink to his left. As I commenced the cleansing of my hands, I happened to glance to my side to look at this individual. He happened to be mentally handicapped. I noticed that he had also taken the liberty to observe the man at his side, me. As he looked at me, he burst into laughter... What is so funny about my appearance, I may never know; however, judging by his laughter, it might be worth it to you to take a glance.